A tribute to Zion Williamson
When I first decided to check out this Zion Williamson character, I could not help but notice the guy has a little baby fat on him yet. We do not fat shame in this era, so we refer to him as thick, or thiccc for all our younger readers.
Speaking as a fat guy in the process of trying to be less of a fat guy, I can say things like this.
When you are nearly 300 pounds, you should not have this type of athleticism. You should not be this fast, you should not jump this high and you should not dominate a sport like basketball.
Show me the money
Zion will be one of the richest athletes with whatever endorsement deals he chooses to sign over the next few months. Promoting yourself is all about reaching the largest possible audience, which works in Zion’s favor.
Any professional athlete can relate to other aspiring athletes, but it takes a special type of star power to promote yourself within the fat guy community. Charles Barkley is the greatest example, which is why he is so loved by the masses. Other examples include Bartolo Colon and Jared Lorenzen. Both fat. Both loved.
Maybe this is a new wave of athlete. If you are a high school, college or professional star reading this, maybe put on a few pounds to be more relatable. Plus, it’s always fun to see bad-bodied athletes. You see it all the time in baseball, but Zion can transcend the ideal body in other professional sports.
There is reason for concern Zion might be a fake fat guy though. He appears to be fairly jolly in his overall demeanor, but he definitely has too big of a work ethic to be accepted into the fat guy community, which is disappointing to say the least.
So relatable
We almost missed Zion for the NCAA Tournament after injuring himself with a non-Zion proof shoe in the most anticipated regular season game of the season. He returned a few weeks later, avoided disaster that would have been a massive bummer for the sport.
Zion and I are similar in this way as I too have broken a shoe playing some hoops before. Certainly not due to my athletic prowess, but it was probably related to buying cheap shoes and using them for 10 years because I don’t have money. Nonetheless, I can relate.
As I watched Zion glide around the basketball court, nearly hitting his head on backboards, I figured you know what? If a guy that big can do the things he is doing, why can’t I?
So I went outside to face this dangerous thing called fresh air (wouldn’t recommend it) and grabbed a basketball. I airballed a three, pulled a hamstring and immediately went back inside. I then grabbed a beer and returned to the safe space on my couch.
Exercise ain’t for the common fat guy. But Zion is not a common fat guy.
Duke made an earlier exit than expected in the tournament, not even making the Final Four despite the most talented roster and cheating. But Zion Williamson gave hope one day any of us armchair All-Americans can do something incredible. That’s all you can ask for in the fat guy community.
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