Hausers are in Madison
The Hauser brothers are visiting Wisconsin this weekend in the first of four stops in their bro trip touring around the college basketball landscape. If this is the perfect visit, they will shut down their recruitment altogether and sign with the Badgers by weekend’s end. To make this happen, we all need to be on our best behavior as a state Friday through Sunday to make Sam and Joey Hauser feel welcome.
I have already done my part with the New Trousers for Hausers campaign. The rest is out of my hands, and whatever happens happens. If the Hausers end up signing elsewhere, I can sleep well at night knowing I did all I could do.
For the rest of you, we’re going to need your help. All hands on deck. If you want the Badgers to return to the Frank Kaminsky/Sam Dekker days, get out there and make something happen.
Here is a list of most important people, places and things in the Hauser recruitment.
Madison
This one goes out to the whole community. Show the Hauser brothers a good time.
If you’re a bar or restaurant owner, make everything free the entire weekend and act like it’s a regular thing. It might cost you some business in the short term, but if you get the Hausers on campus, bars will be filled every game day. Success brings money. You think Rutgers bars are filled for every Scarlet Knights hoops game? Of course not. This is a long-term play. Thank me when you triple your yearly sales.
It’s also Mifflin weekend, so people will be doing some wacky and likely illegal things. To the Madison police, if you’re arresting anybody this weekend, make sure it is not any 6-foot-8ish white guys.
Trevor Anderson
You cannot take friendship for granted. If Wisconsin guard Trevor Anderson is a real friend, he finds a way to bring his boys in. The Hausers played on the same high school team where Anderson’s dad was the head coach. We’ll find out what kind of friend Anderson truly is.
God
I couldn’t help but notice we’re predicting some snow and rain in the area this weekend. I have not been the perfect Christian, but I can be if you brighten the Madison skies a little bit.
Brad Davison
If you don’t recall, Brad Davison gave Joey Hauser a pop to the man region during overtime of the Wisconsin-Marquette game last season. An apology might be needed, but I’m not even sure that is the case.
Who’s the last person who punched you in the nuts? Who is the last person you punched in the nuts? Odds are both of those people are your friends. Couple of fellas just bustin’ balls. Should be a non-issue.
Greg Gard
Be prepared, Greg, because this is a crucial moment that could define your success as a Wisconsin basketball coach.
Have somebody create awesome highlight videos of the Hausers in Badger uniforms. Build a Hauser family statue right outside the Kohl Center. Promise you will have their jerseys retired the second they leave campus so they will be remembered forever. None of this has to be true, but lying is all part of recruiting.
One thing I highly advise against is discussing anything to do with academics. Both have gone through multiple years of college, and they know how school works. Discuss only the greatest parts of college. Leave the books alone. This isn’t Northwestern.
Under Armour
Every day we find out new things about the latest scandals around college athletics. The two companies brought up every time are Adidas and Nike. Under Armour has a deal with Wisconsin, and what the hell are they doing not getting involved in recruiting scandals? To get elite college athletes, you’ve got to pay them like elite professional athletes.
And what happens when you get caught? We find out about Duke players getting paid by the day. Do we really think Duke will be getting any sort of punishment? Of course not.
Even if there is a punishment, Wisconsin would not be penalized till years later. Would you sacrifice sanctions in the 2024 season if it meant a national championship? Hell yeah you would. Open up the checkbook, Under Armour.
M.E. Dodge
First of all, really cool name. First and last both executed perfectly. Flows together. Immediate First Team All-Name selection in my book. This is Sam Hauser’s girlfriend and a member of the Badgers’ volleyball team.
Love is a beautiful thing and should bring people together. To Madison, Wisconsin. Plus, I’m skeptical of long distance relationships. Never works. You can trust me as a single fella who has never been in a long distance relationship.
So there ya have it. Everybody get out there and do your part this weekend. Show the Hauser brothers one heck of a time, and we’ll be celebrating championships like nobody’s business.
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