Minnesota football is the worst 6-0 team ever

I don’t know how to look this up but I am confident in saying that of all 6-0 teams in the history of any sport at any level, Minnesota football is the worst of the bunch. The Gophers find themselves inside the top 25 for the first time this season, but there are 40 teams better than Minnesota.

I understand the excitement. Seeing that doughnut in the loss column is exciting for a team that’s had one double-digit win season in the past 100-plus years, which came in 2003. That 10-win season was also the last time the Gophers had Paul Bunyan’s Axe until last year’s debacle that ended the Alex Hornibrook era in Wisconsin. I was in attendance, and I have never been more miserable.

Following the win, Minnesota players and coaches doused each other with Axe body spray in the locker room. Ya get it? Because “axe” hahahaha oh boy that PJ Fleck is crazy. Row the boat. A complete waste of body spray especially considering there are young adults across the Midwest going to bed single tonight (DMs are always open).

“There are things that have worked, and things that have backfired. This would be a backfire,” Fleck said about that celebration.

While recklessly abusing the scent that commercials claim will lead to attractive women throwing themselves at you, chemicals filled the lungs, noses and eyes of the entire team, leading a player to deem the situation “a hazard.” Fleck said he tried to talk but could not get any words out, and everybody was coughing. This is actually a real story.

So after beating the worst Wisconsin team in decades, Minnesota celebrated its tie for fifth place in the Big Ten West so hard they nearly killed themselves. Does this sound like a team that’s ready for prime time? I don’t think so.

To start 2019, Minnesota trailed in the fourth quarter against South Dakota State, Fresno State and Georgia Southern. The Gophers beat Purdue by 7 in a game in which the Boilermakers’ two best offensive players Elijah Sindelar and Rondale Moore left with injuries in the first quarter on the same play.

Minnesota played Illinois, who lost its starting quarterback in the game, and then took down an Adrian Martinez-less Nebraska. We are in mid-October, and Minnesota has not played a healthy Big Ten quarterback.

Not only is this the worst 6-0 team ever, but Minnesota has Rutgers on Saturday. This will make the Gophers the worst 7-0 team ever. They’ll probably go out and beat Maryland the next week, making them the worst 8-0 team ever.

It’s certainly possible the Gophers will suck and luck their way to an eight-win season, but that’s where it ends. They will lose to Penn State, they will lose to Iowa, they will lose to Wisconsin. And yes, they will lose to Northwestern.

This is a 6-6 team that will overachieve to go 8-4 and when that happens, Minnesota football will be the worst 8-4 team in the history of sports.

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