Best things of the NFL Draft

Draft night preview

It’s right up there with one of my favorite sports nights of the year with the first round of the NFL Draft. Remember when this thing used to start on Saturday morning? How dumb was that? First round in prime time has been an incredible decision by Roger Goodell. More on him later. Here are some of the best things of the NFL Draft.


I don’t know how the NFL Draft operated without Twitter because NFL Draft night is the best Twitter night of the entire year. Freezing Cold Takes always has a field day with all the predictions that went wrong in the past, and if we’re lucky we might dig up some tweets when players were dumb high school kids, which is always fun to look back at. Shoutout to Mitchell Trubisky.

The Laremy Tunsil smoking out of a gas mask bong was an incredible situation, and we may have peaked in the NFL Draft Twitter world.

What a moment.

The only downside is NFL analysts who tweet out all the picks, so it’s not a surprise when you see it on TV. Those people make this world a worse place. Shame those people forever.

Seven-round mock drafts

Nothing like it. If you’re interested in what the 202nd pick will be, there are hundreds of articles about what will happen with that pick on the internet. If anybody gets a pick correct in rounds 5-7, that analyst should get to take a full year off on paid leave and maybe just be elected as President of the United States.

I’ve seen some next-level stuff in the mock draft industry recently where the analysts will project certain trades, which is an incredible thing to do. Now that everybody goes seven rounds with their mock draft, the next wave will be predicting the undrafted free agent signings.

God bless this sport.

Booing Roger Goodell

If you do not boo Roger Goodell at draft night, I am not convinced you are a human being. I even think his family joins in on the Goodell destruction. It’s the one time of year where every football fan can join in on hating the same thing, and it’s beautiful to see us all in unity.

I’m skeptical about the hate Tennessee Titans fans will have, but they better bring it on Thursday night. And I’m excited to hear what ol’ Rog has planned for a comeback. I’m sure he and his staff have been struggling to find their inner comedian all day today.

The long wait

We’ve seen it with Aaron Rodgers, Brady Quinn, Geno Smith and countless others, players who think they’re going high, and instead they sit there knowing the entire country is watching and mocking them. And it’s always a quarterback because nobody cares about any other position.

It’s tough to feel too bad for them because at any second they transform from a poor person to a millionaire, but it makes for fantastic TV.

Acting like an expert

I have absolutely no clue what a three-technique guy looks like. I do not know that term. I do not know what it means when a player has oily hips. But when I hear announcers say it, I feel like I know exactly what they’re talking about.

I will bring up things like, hey I’m not sure if this guy is a great fit in the 3-4, could he be a liability in the cover 2? I’m not sure if this defensive tackle has a great first step. If you need to talk smart about this kind of thing, use phrases like “set the edge” and “take the top off the defense.” You’re guaranteed to look like a football expert.

One thing I for sure understand is white guy cliches, and we’re going to have some good ones, starting right near the top with Nick Bosa. There is no doubt in my mind we will hear one of the following words after he is selected, if not more: deceptive speed, high-football IQ, a JJ Watt type, high motor, sneaky athletic, lunch-pail guy, gym rat, gritty.

Wasting my life away

Right after the draft, I guarantee I will have several hot takes for just about every player on every team. Then by June, I will forget all of it, making this a complete waste of my time.

Enjoy yourselves one heck of a NFL Draft.

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