Seven ways to improve soccer in America

Forgive me for what you’re about to read, but I struggle to get into watching soccer on television. Maybe I’ll watch one USA game during the World Cup but like a lot of Americans, it just doesn’t get me going quite like football does.

The main comment from the soccer snob community is the fact that it’s the most popular sport in the world. If that’s your main argument, Subway is the most popular restaurant in the world with the most locations. Does that mean it’s the best restaurant? Of course not.

Regardless, soccer is not among top sports in America. Not even close. I hope soccer competes with the big boys at some point over the next few decades, but for this to happen some drastic changes are needed.

I put a lot of thought into this and narrowed my list down to 7 ideas to improve soccer and make it a more popular sport in the United States.

More points

A common thought from idiots like me who do not have a deep love for soccer is the lack of points scored. Games will end with a 3-2 final score, and that’s pretty lame. In football, a 3-2 score is actually a 21-14 score with basically 7 points for each score. Much higher scoring. Much more interest. We’re a pretty dumb group of individuals as American sports fans. Make each score 7 points, and you’ll have our attention.

Use your hands

Sure this is pretty drastic change to the game, but we were given hands for a reason. What an unbelievable slap in the face to God when we were provided with a pair of functioning hands and we decide to render them useless for a sport. Everybody should be able to use any body part they have regardless of their position on the field.

New ball shape

We need to change the soccer ball from its current sphere form to more of an oval shape. Take a rugby ball, for example, but make it a little more narrow with sharper points at each end with laces in the middle to place your fingers. Remember, you’re allowed to use your hands now with the previous rule listed, so this makes a whole lot of sense to get a better grip.

No more constant moving

Soccer is too much of a free-flowing game, and it can get tiresome for the players on the field and the viewers at home. In order to move the ball up the field, teams should have 4 attempts to gain 10 yards by passing the ball or handing it to a teammate and let him run. If they cannot do that, the opposing team takes over possession. However, if it appears likely the offensive team will not get the necessary 10 yards after 3 attempts, teams would have the opportunity to have a guy kick it to the other team to improve their field position. We could call this a “punt.”

New field dimensions

I think we can all agree the soccer field is a bit too wide with so much unnecessary space. Narrow it down but continue to have the field 120 yards long like it is in some soccer stadiums. Inside the 120-yard field, there should be a pair of 10-yard areas at each end we could refer to as “end zones” where the scoring happens. If the offensive team advances the ball into the end zone, we’ll call that a “touchdown.”

Change the name

I’m assuming you caught on to what we’re doing at this point, so this last alteration of the sport will make a lot of sense. Change the sport’s name from soccer to football full time.

If soccer takes all these recommendations and adds a few more rules here and there, I would be much more intrigued to watch the sport. Please let me know your opinions or if you have any additional rule changes to improve soccer for more Americans to enjoy.


Damn I miss football.

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