First Team All-Name: NCAA Tournament

It’s the final day of March, and we should be gearing up for the Final Four this weekend. Instead, we have something much better as we reveal the First Team All-Name: NCAA Tournament edition.

With no bracket released, we referred to Deceptive Speed’s final Bracketology update. I took a look at all 68 teams in the field, scoured the rosters for the best names out there and put together three teams based on my criteria, which is simply names I think are awesome, with some thoughts on each player selected.

I absolutely love a good name, and parents are peaking in creativity. Remember if your name is Mike Williams, John Smith or anything like that, you do not stand out and your parents do not love you. But when you get that perfect first name, last name combination, that’s really what life is all about.

One last point, I took all these names from whatever was listed on the team website’s official roster. Some could be nicknames and I don’t care, same with the pronunciations that may not be accurate. You know I’m not going to take that extra 5 seconds to figure these things out.

Without further ado, I present you First Team All-Name: NCAA Tournament edition.

First Team All-Name

Kofi Cockburn - Illinois

I’m fairly positive we’ve all had a case of Kofi Cockburn at some point during college.

Rocket Watts - Michigan State

Built for speed and power. Parents created an athlete the second they named him Rocket Watts.

Rob Banks - Cincinnati

There’s one perfect name to call your son whose last name is Banks, and the parents nailed it.

Flo Thamba - Baylor

Wasn’t this the most popular song at college parties a few years ago?

Peter Kiss - Rutgers

Fun fact: Indiana used to have a player named Peter Jurkin. Big Ten parents do it best.

Second Team

Stone Gettings - Arizona

No doubt in my mind Stone Gettings was a bully in school. In my experience, you never mess with a man named Stone. Also, I have no experience meeting somebody named Stone.

Trevelin Queen - New Mexico State

Awesome. Just an incredible performance by the parents delivering a fantastic first name, last name combination.

Max Farthing - NC State

My Max Farthing number in a single day is right around 20.

Prince Ali - UCLA

With that name, Prince Ali should have all the proper requirements to fill Harry’s vacant spot in the royal family.

Eze Dike - Yale

Go think of your own joke.

Third Team

Mamoudou Diarra - Cincinnati

I dealt with massive Mamoudou Diarra this morning after hitting Taco Bell a little too hard.

Kyky Tandy - Xavier

I don’t know, it’s just a cool name and I like it.

Koch Bar - Bradley

Very unique name for an establishment.

Andrew Petcash - Boston U

We need to stop with all these new cryptocurrencies.

Jeron Artest - UC Irvine

If he ever gets into a massive fight with fans, Jeron Artest can change his name to JeMetta World Peace.

Congrats to all of this year’s award winners. For everybody whose name wasn’t selected, find more creative parents.